How we'll, screw you.

Hate the NHS?

Not as much as us! We're continuing our hard work from the past 10 years crippling it so that we have an excuse to sell it off to our billionaire donors.

Love liars?

So do we! That's why we elected Boris to lead our party. He wassacked for making up quotes as a journalist and after he lied to our party vice-chairman in 2003. Honesty is not his best policy: tax cuts for millionaires is.

Want more rough sleepers?

Say no more! We've more than doubled homelessness since we took power in 2010. And we're not stopping there! It's time for more of the most vulnerable in our society to be forced to sleep in the cold and rain.

Think the disabled scrounge?

Well you're right. Being unable to work is no excuse for not working. That's why we pledge to send more people who can't work to work than ever before. Like the sound of this? Vote for us.

Boris isn't bad enough!

We beg to differ! But worry not - Jacob and Priti are still here to pick up any slack.

Is austerity over?

Absolutely not - how else are we going to fund the tax breaks for our puppet masters?

“My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.”
Meet Boris Johnson
Clown

Parody. No affiliation with any political party.

Contact: [email protected].